The Merch

Cast: Tycho, The Merch, Gabe, Evil Wizard, The Fleshreaper

Related Articles: The Merch: Television Series

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

{Tycho, The Merch and Gabe are sat on the couch looking at the television.}
Tycho: You need to explain this show to me.

Panel 2

{The Merch is seen dancing.}
Box: Okay. First of all, you've got The Merch.
{The Merch has fallen over with blood dripping from his teeth.}
Box: The thing to understand is that The Merch is very sick.
{Evil Wizard's face is seen.}
Box: An evil wizard cast a spell on him that can be lifted, once a week, if good children purchase enough Merch merchandise.
{Three kids are seen with credit cards.}
Box: The show revolves around a team of kids who use their "Purchasing Power" to buy ever more expensive Merch Merchandise - even if it means stealing from Mom and Dad.
{The Merch is upright.}
Box: If kids buy enough products, the Merch rouses from his coma just long enough to impart some keen insight.
The Merch: I fucked your dad!
Box: Then he passes out again, until enough Merch merch is sold.
{Tycho and Gabe are at the bottom, with The Fleshreaper between them.}
Tycho: What happens if people stop buying the merch merch?
Gabe: You don't want to do that.
Tycho: Why not?
Gabe: Because then The Merch turns into The Fleshreaper.
Tycho: That sounds bad.
Gabe: Yeah. He flies from house to house, collecting torsos.

External Links Edit

Preceded by:
January 3, 2005
Penny Arcade strips Followed by:
January 7, 2005

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